Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
