just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
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