Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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