My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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