Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
