i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
