I hope mine doesn't look like that
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
