What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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