College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
