We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
