the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
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