as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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