mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
