Whod you bang
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
