She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
