Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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