Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
