No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You pole danced in your parka.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
