final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You pole danced in your parka.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
