Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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