She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
