life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Enjoy the penises
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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