I'm going to rape someone's good day.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
