Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I can't put those talents on a resume
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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