Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
