Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm sobbing to NWA
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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