you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Is Oprah even human
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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