i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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