Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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