worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
