Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
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having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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