you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
