don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
