Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
