Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
