physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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