Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
