I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
