Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
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I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize