God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
