he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
