Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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