Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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