all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
