my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
