we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
