also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
