I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
that's an acceptable place to lick
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
