you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
How naked do you want me to be?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
