At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
