dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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