EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize