He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
