so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
