UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
