Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
