just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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