How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
