I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
