I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
