True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
