new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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