I'm so fucking centered right now
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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