doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
