It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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