I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
