When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
