Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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